As We Mourn the Breakup of Jen and John Over His Excessive Twittering*, Let Us Pause to Remember 18 Other Celebrity Relationships Laid Waste By Careless Use of Electronic Media

 
So you’ve all heard the news by now? Sad. But, though the others weren’t made public, Aniston and Mayer’s union wasn’t the only one to be undone by e-indiscretions. The real reasons behind some other celebrity splits:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. Lopez was enraged by Affleck’s juvenile adoption of the tabloid nickname “bennifer” as his password for everything, because while “Bennifer” is mostly her, it starts with HIS first initial.

Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese. Posing as singles, they winked at each other on match.com. While this wacky sitcom-ready situation might have led to a love renewed in another couple, a la “The Pina Colada Song,”  it just pissed Marilyn and Dita off, further cementing their resolve to be done with each other, ASAP.

Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman. Jimmy was horrified to learn that not only did Sarah think I Can Haz Cheezburger is a brilliant bit of postmodern irony, but that she purchased the I Can Haz iPhone app and follows Cute Overload on Twitter (@CuteOverload). 

Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. Kidman threatened to reveal that Cruise was ordering Wellbutrin online from Mexico.

Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz. After Penelope kept making excuses about why she hadn’t registered to join the Scientology listserv, Cruise finally realized she couldn’t read English. Or Spanish very well, for that matter.

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. Ditto on the reading English. (Which one, you ask? Does it matter?)

Salman Rushdie and Padma Lakshmi. Two words: Ashley Madison.

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston. Bristol caught Levi forwarding the Photoshopped pic of his future mother-in-law in a bikini holding a rifle one too many times. 

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock. Anderson discovered Kid Rock was posting to anti-PETA Web sites using the handle “Pamivore.”

Madonna and Guy Ritchie. Madonna ended their eight-year marriage after being e-mailed anonymously about the existence of “Confessions of a Kept Has-Been Director,” Guy’s secret blog where he spilled the beans about mysterious Kabbalah rites, how little time Madge spent with her kids and how no one was allowed to speak to her while “Jon & Kate Plus Eight” was on.

Madonna and Jesus Luz. It didn’t take Madonna long to decipher the identity of the “Skelator” that Jesus was always referring to when he was on his cell.

Anne Hathaway and Raffaello Follieri. He was going to prison anyway, but Anne called it quits when Raffaello maxed out her virtual recipe box on foodnetwork.com with the “creations” of that bobble-headed pseudo-chef Giada de Laurentiis.

Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. Brad didn’t believe Jen when she said she was only lurking on childfree sites to have a chuckle over the vitriolic rants about fictitious “breeders, not parents” with “flesh turds” named “Snotley” and “Bratleigh.”

Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt. Gwyneth was irritated when Brad horned in on the friendships she made via pro-ana/pro-mia forums and even tagged along on their IRL meet-ups.

Christy Brinkley and Peter Cook. Cook was suspicious of Brinkley’s tearful insistence that she was not in love with her Total Gym co-pitchperson and did NOT author Chuck Norris Facts as a tribute to her burning love.

Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid. Meg’s affair with Russell Crowe certainly put a strain on things, but the last straw was when she texted Quaid four times in one week, asking him to stop at the store on his way home to get such sundries as milk, eggs, tampons and TIGI Bedhead products.

Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe. All the wedding dress sites bookmarked on her computer, of course.

Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. Whitney felt left behind when Bobby traded their shared pot addiction for online Sudoku.
 

*And let this serve as a powerful warning to you, aplusk and mrskutcher.

Read the day’s other lists over at Anna’s:

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Tagged as: celebrities, celebrity breakups, celebrity divorce, Twitter