15 Songs I Only Admit to Liking in the Context of Working Out

This list has the same flavor of this list but with more of a “news you can use” utility. Have a good laugh and then tell me honestly how many of them you’re going to download as soon as you’re done reading.

1. “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” Def Leppard. This song was on the tape (yes, tape) of an aerobics instructor at a very down-at-the-heels health club we went to in our tiny college town. The song is so cheesy it veers into campy territory but it has the right beat for the pecs exercise we did to it. Forevermore, “Pour Some Sugar on Me” will subliminally remind me to squeeze my pecs as my forearms come together in front of my face.
2. “Are You Gonna Be My Girl,” Jett. Ignore the advice to keep your iPod’s volume at a level where you can still hear outside noises and turn this one up. Try not to sing too loudly, though.
3. “Like a Prayer,” Madonna.
4. Or “Papa Don’t Preach.”
5. Or “Vogue.” Or. … Madonna – like Britney and Gwen Stefani – are bountiful fonts of workout-ready tunes. “Like a Prayer” has the alternating slower and faster segments perfect for doing sprints and cool-down intervals on either a treadmill or an elliptical; “Papa Don’t Preach” has an extremely fast beat; and “Vogue” provides a good excuse to test your resolve and not actually vogue there at the gym. ‘Cause you know you want to.
6. “Livin’ on a Prayer,” Bon Jovi. Put it on the playlist right after “Like a Prayer.” Not many workout songs feature a talk box now, do they? (And I bet you thought that was a wah wah pedal, didn’t you? Silly!)
7. “Freedom! ‘90,” George Michael. This was my favorite part of spinning class. The class was taught by a ragingly clueless heterosexual, so it made me titter to hear this closet-case song (from the album “Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1,” no less) on his compilation otherwise filled with completely unsuitable classic rock. (Seriously. There was Tom Petty on his mix. I love Tom Petty, but the gym is no place for real musicians.) “Freedom! ‘90″ (not to be confused by a Wham! song titled “Freedom”) was perfect for climbing. Plus you knew you were getting closer to looking like the supermodels in the video, the ones who sang with sweaters over their heads.
8. “Swing,” Savage (feat. Soulja). You know you’re hardcore when you have songs on your iPod that have “featured” artists contributing. A little urban grit to balance out all the plastic on this list.
9. “Rock Your Body,” Justin Timberlake. Fire up the iPod of any middle-aged suburban SAHM and there’s Justin Timberlake. Hey, I don’t make the rules, I just abide by them. It’s good to have Justin on your playlist. You’re at the gym to bring sexy back, after all. “Rock Your Body” makes a good stretchy cool down song.
10. “Hollaback Girl,” Gwen Stefani. March to the beat. Uh huh! Show that machine who’s boss. This shit’s bananas.
11. “You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real),” Sylvester. The guiltiest-pleasure disco song EVER. This song has rocket ship sounds and is sung by a man-lady who was the inspiration for RuPaul’s persona. It doesn’t get more disco than that. Which means it will get you moving faster than a line of coke can.
12. “Crazy in Love,” Beyonce. You’ve seen Beyonce in those hot pants in the video? You can achieve that, too. In like a year of working out six days a week. Lookin’ so crazy, your love’s got me lookin’, got me lookin’ so crazy in love.
13. “Yeah!,” Usher. Some music critic wrote that “Yeah!” has the catchiest synth hook since “When Doves Cry.” That doesn’t excuse its misogynistic lyrics, though. I’d blame Usher, but that would mean he wrote them, and I just don’t see that happening. Its inclusion on my playlist makes no sense, but I never claimed it did.
14. “Get Down Tonight,” K.C. & the Sunshine Band. Something about the unabashed “Let’s go somewhere where we can do it. What was your name again?” ethos of K.C. gives me that little energy boost to continue. You know, in case I end up back in 1975 via time machine and I need to look really good in my high-waisted jeans so I can have nearly anonymous sex with a guy in a polyester shirt in the pre-AIDS disco era. K.C.’s music has lots of horns. Very horny.
15. “The Rockafeller Skank,” Fatboy Slim. The hypnotic, robotic continual loopiness of this song makes time disappear. You could put it on repeat and sweat away an hour on the elliptical and it would seem like 5 minutes.

Go ahead, ridicule and heckle all you like – but only if you suggest some additions for my workout playlist. And then check out today’s other lists at Anna’s:

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Tagged as: Britney, disco, gym, Madonna, music, working out