The Junior Real Housewife of New York City

After becoming hooked on the crack that is “The Real Housewives of New York City” – having happily traded the housewives for Jon and Kate (because they’re the dullest couple in America; not because Jon is a coed-chasing tool, though I suspect that deep down I already knew that) – so late in the second season, I’m bummed that the finale is tonight already. So imagine my excitement last night when I found the perfect socialite to build a new series around, “The Junior Real Housewives of New York City.”

 While watching “Gossip Girl” (which could well be subtitled “The Future Real Housewives of New York City”), I learned about Lara Meiland-Shaw, an “Upper East Sider making her own rules.” She’s one of four young UES women being spotlighted by “Dove go fresh presents Gossip Girl: Real NYC Stories Revealed introducing new go fresh burst in nectarine and white ginger.”

Mrs. Meiland-Shaw owns a bridal atelier with her sister (who lives in London) because they both “love couture,” and New York City is the only place left where couture exists. She met and married her husband, Claude, in Switzerland. She went to Dalton, Yale and Columbia and is involved with charities. She calls her parents Mommy and Daddy.

In the first bit of video she tells us how much she has going on and how it propels her along to get everything done. In last night’s homage to one of the most expensive ZIP codes in the nation, Mrs. Meiland-Shaw tells one of her besties over breakfast at the SoHo House that Carnegie Hall wants her to take on more responsibility. Her friend is awestruck, wondering how she does it all. “You always seem so calm and cool and put together,” the friend observes.

Mrs. Meiland-Shaw shares some of her hard-won wisdom about how to juggle life and work: “It’s important just to feel balanced ’cause if you don’t, you won’t be yourself, you won’t be happy, and that what matters.” I was waiting for her to pull out a bottle of Dove go fresh burst in nectarine and white ginger out of her oversized purse and present it to her friend as she whispered the real reasons for her Zen-like demeanor and shiny hair – a doctor who lives to write scripts and laxative abuse.

She also lets the cat out of the bag on a BIG secret, that she and Claude (pronounce it in an exaggerated French accent – Clode Show. It’s fun.) are thinking about starting a family. Not that she’s pregnant, but that they’re thinking about starting to try. Can’t we assume any childless married couple under 40 is thinking about this, too? That was like announcing to her friend that she and Claude go the movies occasionally and sometimes get popcorn. 

(I suspect she’s already preggers because of the dress she wore to a Venetian masked ball: a baby doll-looking number with an empire waist and a big bow under the bust. Very maternity. My elaborately spun theory based on nothing is that Dove go fresh burst in nectarine and white ginger approached her to be one of the Real NYC Stories Revealed, and the Shaws received the blessed news after the Mrs. agreed to take part.) 

Who wants to be the one to tell Mrs. Meiland-Shaw that while her contribution to the arts is so very important, Carnegie Hall isn’t exactly a charity? You do that after I bluntly point out that bridal gown designer is the second-most cliched career choice for socialites only after handbag designer. 

Other dynamic (and far more interesting) UES’ers featured by Dove go fresh burst in nectarine and white ginger are edgy grew-up-poor designer Chrissie Miller and filmmaker Faythallegra Coleman. I don’t see them being part of ”The Junior Real Housewives of New York City,” though, because they look like they’d have better things to do than carp about who has the credentials to write an etiquette book or who came to a tennis match looking like Bjorn Borg or whose eyes look CRAY-zeee. 

Besides, right now we want to see fabulously clueless women shopping, red-carpeting and Hamptoning in their politically incorrect recession-proof bubbles of privilege. I want townhouse renovations and costumed charity balls, not unvarnished reality. I do, however, draw the line at the acrylic nails, Hummers and mansions of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.”

Or do I?

 

UPDATE: I just saw the piece on Faythallegra Coleman. She’s adorable. 

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Tagged as: Gossip Girl, NYC, Real Housewives of NYC, reality shows