13 Things I’d Rather Watch Than What Happens to Be on TLC at 9 (8 Central) Tonight*

1. Katie Couric getting another colonoscopy followed by Al Roker’s bunion surgery.
2. An awards show hosted by Rachel Ray.
3. A collegiate baseball game that goes into extra innings, meaning lots of time for profiles of players from Arkansas.
4. Bill O’Reilly. Yes, I think I could actually stomach Bill O’Reilly easier than more fakery from Berks County, PA.
5. Nancy Grace’s nightly where’s-the-justice-for-the-children??? screechfest.
6. A talk show about missing conservative children, co-hosted by Bill O’Reilly and Nancy Grace, but only if it has 15 to 20 minutes of opening happy chat, a la Regis and Kelly.
7. A star-spangled Memorial Day tribute to the troops held in the cavernous Lakewood Church MC’d by Joel Osteen featuring stirring patriotic songs by Kris Allen, Carrie Prejean, Kathie Lee Gifford and Kathy Griffin.
8. ’70s Soul Cinema on BET.
9. “Charmed,” especially the Shannen Doherty years.
10. Any reality programming featuring Hulk Hogan, his (former or current) bed partners or his children.
11. A Bassmaster Tournament weekend on ESPN.
12. “Clean House” with that woman who has GOT to be a tranny.
13. A very special episode of “Matlock.”

*No, not even morbid curiosity will allow me to watch. But you can bet your ass I’ll be reading every recap I can find tomorrow morning.

Check out today’s other lists at Anna’s:

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