12 Truly Cutting Housewife Insults

1. That “bathroom remodel” she won’t shut up about? She’s having one of those Bath Fitter things put in! 
2. You know that condo they have at the beach is really her mother’s, right?
3. I’m never going there for a playdate – all she feeds her kids are frozen chicken nuggets. Next thing you know, my kids will be asking for that crap. Can you just see it? Me? In the grocery store, pushing around my cart full of nuggets?  
4. Her husband isn’t even management. He’s paid by the hour.
5. They love to pretend they’re all about the environment, packing the whole family into that 8-year-old Honda Civic. They’re not fooling anyone – it’s because they can’t afford an SUV. 
6. You think you’re hot stuff with your town beach membership, doncha?
7. She’s so in love with her Neverfull she carries it everywhere. Your entry-level designer tote bag isn’t exactly appropriate for evening, honey.
8. Sure, anyone can vacation in Park City – in the off season!
9. She’s such a martyr, cleaning her house all on her own. What are you proving by not hiring a cleaning lady, that you’re better than us?
10. Her daughter’s sweater ended up in Sloane’s school bag. I knew it had to be hers because the label said Circo. I think that’s sold at like Target or something. Or maybe a gas station!
11. She was so impressed with my Dyson that she offered to vacuum my living room just to get her hands on it! She was, like, petting it and everything! Get a life, weirdo!
12. The new neighbors? Basic. cable.

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