Tink turned 4 earlier this month and for weeks before, when anyone would ask what she wanted for her birthday, she’d reply, “A skateboard and a yitto compuuuuter.” By “little computer” she meant an iPhone or iPod Touch, since her Grandpa has an iTouch and she played with it quite a bit when we visited him. He bought a few kid-friendly apps before we arrived, including the awesome ABC Animals, a flashcard-like app that helps kids practice not just recognizing letters but writing them, too.
The desire for a skateboard has been going on much longer. She has called one of her pink blankets – when it’s folded just so, and believe you me, it is folded JUST SO every night as part of her elaborate pre-bedtime staging ritual – “skateboard” for years, since she was newly 2. (As in, “You’ve got Teddy, you’ve got Monkey Business, you’ve got Mr. Hippo, you’ve got skateboard. Now GOOD NIGHT.”) It’s a odd example of toddler nomenclature, to be sure, and toddler nomenclature is known for being as odd as it adorable. My kid can be described that way, too.
She got it in her head somewhere along that way that 4 is the magical age where a young lady can trade a pink, fleecy skateboard in for an actual model, with decks and trucks and wheels and all other parts I remember from my brother’s skating days. She probably got this idea from me, because for months we’ve been talking up 4 like it’s the drinking age or driving age or something. I have no idea why. She’s been potty trained forever at this point, and we weren’t planning on making any big transitions, like moving her to a big-girl bed or taking away a pacifier. She passed all those babyhood milestones long ago (except for the pacifier – never had one), and we weren’t planning on springing anything unpleasant on her, like when I took her bottles away at 18 months after lying to her pediatrician at her 12-month checkup when I said I had already moved her to a sippy. (That was baaaad. New Year’s Day 2007. When will the lambs stop screaming?)
Well, according to the unintentionally-empowered-by-me Tink, 4-year-olds can have real skateboards, and she let us know. After explaining a few times that 4 was still too young for a skateboard and then pointing out, whenever we saw boys on boards, that those kids were much older, I blithely ignored her declarations. I also told her she was far too young for a little computer, too. What I was unaware of was how many skateboard chats she and her daddy were having. The little schemer worked on him for weeks.
About two weeks before her birthday, Chuck (yes, that’s his name. It starts with a C.) showed me an online pic of the skateboard he bought her. I was aghast. Shocked. Apoplectic. I couldn’t believe that not only did he feel it was an appropriate toy for a 4-year-old but that he didn’t consult me before buying it. (Because he knew I’d say no, that’s why.) Without coming flat out and saying no – I wanted it to be his idea – I asked him to please, please reconsider. He’s far too busy to be making weekly trips to the ER. I felt I got my point across without actually saying the words “I’m the mother, and I said no.” I figured in the next day or he’d tell me he had come to his senses.
So imagine my surprise when he called me from work one day to tell me that the tracking e-mail he received said the skateboard (and helmet and wrist, elbow and knee pads) would be arriving that afternoon. I put on my caps-lock voice and asked him WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING? and DIDN’T WE COME TO AN UNDERSTANDING ABOUT THIS? But what I really wanted to say was: I WAS TRYING TO APPEAL TO YOUR BETTER JUDGMENT. DID YOU REALLY WANT ME TO GET ALL KATE GOSSELIN ON YOUR ASS AND SAY, “NO! NO! WHO GIVES A 4-YEAR-OLD A SKATEBOARD? ABSOLUTEY NOT!”? BECAUSE NEXT TIME I WILL, BUDDY.
He told me he and Tink already had several chats about how if she were to get a skateboard, she would only be allowed to use it with him (you know, on those “early” days when he only works 12 hours) and with all her protective gear. Since he basically promised her a skateboard, I couldn’t very well veto the whole thing and pull rank. (Ha. Rank. Who am I kidding?)
Which makes me wonder how it works in other households. Do you believe both parents need to consent to something like this? Do you share veto power, giving each other the right to say “no way!” when you really feel strongly about something? Is it always necessary to present a united front? What am I truly upset about here – about my daughter possibly getting hurt on a dangerous piece of equipment or the fact that Chuck wanted to buy her an expensive birthday gift as a way to make himself feel better about our current crappy situation? Just who’s in charge here??
I’m not sure how I’ll handle the next time Chuck and I are at odds like this over Tink. She really does enjoy her new skateboard, and it’s so sweet to watch her being pulled down the street by him. He has to yell so she can hear him under her helmet: “Put your right foot in the back! Your right foot!” (I know, I know – she was riding without her gear.) And she shrieks, “Faster, Daddy!”
Of course, my change of heart could have been influenced by the other package that arrived that day – a little computer. For me.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Kerry 06.29.09 at 2:48 pm
Apparently I am Kate Gosselin, because I totally would have done the “NO! NO! WHO GIVES A 4-YEAR-OLD A SKATEBOARD? ABSOLUTEY NOT!” thing. So I’m probably not the person you want to ask.
My oldest is turning four in July, and she’s mostly getting Little House on the Prairie stuff (they have picture books, and she’s totally into them).
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Kerry 06.29.09 at 2:50 pm
Oh, and while I was reading that, my almost-four year old walked in and saw the picture and said, “I want that.” I said, “Not until you’re eight. That girl is eight.”
I have to admit though…Tink is pretty freakin’ cute on that thing.
Kerry´s last blog ..10 Things That Don’t Belong on Your Resume
eliz 06.29.09 at 3:05 pm
Yes, 8! I felt that 8 was a totally appropriate age for a skateboard. It’s not that I’m against them completely (though I sort of am. I mean, are we going to give her a bag of weed to complete the picture?), but 4 is way too young. But she’s so tentative on it that I don’t have to worry about her riding half-pipes anytime soon.
abdpbt 06.29.09 at 4:05 pm
LOL @ “that girl is 8.” Bwah.
Well, first of all, congrats on the wittle computer.
Secondly, I would have gone apeshit crazy if my husband did this, and I fully expect that he WILL do something like this at some point, too. This hasn’t come up for us on buying dangerous toys, but it does come up with how he plays with Mini, because I think he’s too rough sometimes and want him to remember Mini is two for christ’s sake. We clash over that a lot.
There is part of me that feels like we should have a united front, but then I also figure he has his relationship with Mini and I can guide him to a certain extent, but at the end of the day he’s going to have to accept the consequences, i.e. if Mini grows up thinking that daddy is lots of fun but not always the “safe” one, comes crying to me, whatever, that’s the price he has to pay, I guess.
That was a really rambling answer. I guess I think it’s really hard to always have a united front on parenting things, is what I’m saying.
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