My Top 12 BlogHer Anxieties

Things waking me up in a panic as the clock ticks down to the blogger prom:

1. That I’ll end up spending more money than I planned on, blowing August’s budget to hell. Get ready to read posts pimping my Etsy store, where I’ll be selling striped organic-cotton moon pads repurposed from Tink’s outgrown clothes. It’s a playdress, it’s a daydress, it’s a feminine product.
2. That I’ll get a call from my husband as they’re leaving a skate park, saying he’s sure whoever’s on duty at the doc-in-the-box will do a “decent enough job” resetting Tink’s fracture.
3. That even despite the broken clavicle, Tink will tell me upon returning that she really didn’t miss me at all and are you going to Chicago again soon?
4. That I’ll overtalk and go into standup mode whenever anyone speaks to me. So don’t bother saying hi or asking what I write about unless you have 30 minutes and want to hear about how when I was 9 I sold the most Girl Scout cookies in all of Erie County or when I was 11 I set a county record for 100-meter breaststroke and that I got my first period the day of my mom’s friend’s baby shower and that she told everyone while I was in the bathroom and they all laughed (“They’re all going to laugh at you!”) when I came back into the room. I was probably trying to figure out just how the hell moon pads work. 
5. That for the SECOND time this month someone will say to me, “Do you watch Bravo? You remind me so much of Kathy Griffin.”
6. That everyone will assume it’s me when @neilochka tweets Sunday morning about the fat chick he drunkenly hooked up with.
7. That Tim Gunn will pull me out of a crowd as we shuffle from meeting room B to meeting room D and tell his assembled worshipers exactly where I went wrong in packing for a professional weekend conference.
8. That I make a total ass of myself at the MamaPop party when the DJ in the Sheraton Chicago’s ballroom plays a Sisters of Mercy song – could be “Temple of Love,” or maybe “Lucretia, My Reflection,” doesn’t matter – and I scream “I LOVE THIS SONG!,” popping Sweetney’s left ear drum as I step on Black Hockey Jesus’ foot and spill my drink on Schmutzie in a spastic rush to the dance floor.
9. That as I sit in a session, distracted by thoughts of how much money my fellow bloggers probably make, I snap to attention when I see my blog on the PowerPoint screen and hear the words, “Let’s start with an example of really bad blog design.”
10. That the same thing will happen in the next session, except this time it will be “Let’s start with an example of really bad blog writing.”
11. That I’ll get stuck with the bill at Smith & Wollensky like I did in ‘07.
12. That I’ll be avenged for being reasonably popular in high school by leaving Chicago feeling that all the cool bloggers had the time of their lives while I was in my jammies looking for “Seinfeld” reruns in my hotel room.

Check out today’s other lists at Anna’s:

Related posts:

1. Friday Quickies: The BlogHer Edition
2. My BlogHer Recap, Part 1: The Politics of Parties
3. My BlogHer Recap, Part 2: Where It Gets Ugly

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Tagged as: blogging, BlogHer