My BlogHer Recap, Part 2: Where It Gets Ugly

(You’re going to want to read Part 1 first: The Participants, the Conference, the Incident.)

So.

When we last left Chicago, I was with a group of people who were not let into a party they had not RSVP’d to. We all did end up attending the party but not without some bruised feelings and some discussion among ourselves as to why the MamaPop people would chose to amp up the velvet rope, “you’re in but you’re not” aspect of a party in the same hotel as the conference. As I said before, an “us vs. them” vibe. Lots of further discussion here and here and lots of mostly supportive comments, many of them behind the scenes. 

I might not never have written about the MamaPop party if not for the events of the rest of the weekend.

The panel
The following day was the panel led by the MamaPop editors on the topic of “Women Writing in the Age of Britney: Pop Culture and Gossip and Feministy Stuff, Oh My.” (Why they wanted to include feminism in a panel about pop culture writing I don’t understand. Do the male writers of MamaPop write their pieces with a feminist subtext all the time? And aren’t we beyond this sort of gender politics?)

I’ll say it quickly and without embellishment: The panel leaders did not come prepared. Everyone talked round and round and overused the phrase “elevate the discourse.” “I hate Gwyneth” was the answer to more than one question or comment. (I’m no dummy. I hate her, too. She’s a good one to hate.) 

This wasn’t the only session light on content, but it was the most glaring example I witnessed. Most people paid $300 to attend the conference. They deserved better. And coming the day after the party, I felt ripped off. Simply listening to them talk wasn’t a panel discussion.

[An aside: Bloggers, and readers, need to understand the difference between reporting and repeating. So many gossip Web sites fool themselves into thinking they're reporting news. Unless you're based in LA and go through Jennifer Aniston's trash can on a weekly basis, you probably aren't generating original content. If a newspaper were to reprint an exclusive story from another media outlet and not give credit, that would be plagarism. Bloggers need to remember that the rules of journalism apply. Do you own work. Sure, use gossip, trends and pop culture tidbits in your writing, but make it your own.]

Let me reiterate. If the party had gone off without incident, I probably would have only mentioned the disappointing session in the most general terms. But because of the party, well. …

The shitstorm
The bitching about the “swag whores” started early and only grew louder after the conference. I don’t condone grabbing at free items, hurting other bloggers or hurting their babies. That’s insane. But how much of this happened and how much was exaggerated? How much did you actually witness?

You want to know what I think? The A-listers are using swaggate to distance themselves from the the nobodies by denouncing the whole thing as shameful and pointing out that unless you’ve been doing this since 2005 you’re not a real blogger anyway. Bloggers saying, after this year’s conference, they don’t want to be identified as a mommyblogger.

Again, us vs. them. 

Another blogger used the word “abohorrent” when describing the behavior of sponsored conference attendees who had products to distribute. Others were “horrified” that someone would interrupt a conversation they were having to put a sample of something in their hand.

The PR people were just doing their job. They’re told where to go, how much new and improved caffeine-free non-streaking now with color-safe bleach snack packs to give out and they need to get the job done before they’re off to the next conference. Since they couldn’t well bust into the sessions to pass out their freebies, they had to do it during breaks and between break-out panels. It would have been great if they could have engaged you in authentic discourse over the product they represent (only after many common interests and views on politics were discovered) and then a mutual understanding could be reached as to how you the mighty blogger would accept such a free sample and then and only then would the goods be passed along, and not only would you be left with a quarter of an ounce of eco-friendly hand sanitizer that you could in good conscience use but you would have walked away from the exchange having made a friend for life. Someone you’d trust to, I don’t know, breastfeed your baby.

But since these PR flacks just didn’t have that kind of time (and, I know it’s hard to even fathom, maybe they weren’t at BlogHer looking for BFFs) they distributed the booty in the most time-efficient manner. I understand it was hard to have a conversation during the conference. I thought that’s what the parties were for, a more casual way to get to know one another.

Here’s another thought: If bloggers feel so sullied being marketed to, perhaps the BlogHer founders should take this into consideration for next year. If you are truly offended by the amount of swaggering and selling that was going on, your real beef is with Lisa, Jory and Elisa. 

It seems to me that the bloggers complaining the loudest about the swag-grabbers are the ones who not only received the truly premium swag but felt entitled to it by virtue of their blogging status and were galled by the upstarts who were exhibiting albeit crude conference behavior. 

It’s no skin of your nose as a blogger for another to get free stuff. It’s the complaining bloggers who are being ungracious.

Look at it this way. One year before Halloween I was complaining online about the behavior of the trick-or-treaters who came to my door every year. I was doing this whining on a forum for moms living in New York City, where the only trick-or-treaters they get are the kids who live in their building. They had no experience with “Halloween tourism,” where children from other neighborhoods (you know what I’m getting at here?) come to the neighborhoods with the good candy. They were teenagers who came way too late for trick-or-treating, often without a costume, and also had several bags, because they were collecting for “sick” siblings at home. I bristled at their brazen attempt to collect as much candy as possible. 

Another poster gave me a much-needed perspective slap. It’s candy, she reminded me. Give it to them graciously. They obviously need it more than you do. 

As far as worrying that these bloggers give all bloggers a bad name, remember that the more we write about it, the more we’re reinforcing (or even informing in the first place, because not everyone follows the goings-on at BlogHer) the idea of mommybloggers as swag-crazy. Ironic, isn’t it?

The fact that bloggers are ready to canonize the Crocs rep who was threatened by a truly misguided blogging novice (and who then threatened her right back. Way to stay classy, guy) makes me uneasy. Of course this blogger was utterly ridiculous, but doesn’t this exchange reinforce the idea of a blogger of a certain status deserving certain swag?

The irony; the us vs. them. I’m weeping from it all. 

[On a related note, I support the Blog With Integrity campaign; everyone should. I think it's high time someone this has happened. Bloggers need to become familiar with and comply with the standards other writers adhere to.] 

And so, as I said yesterday, whatever inspiration I packed up to bring home with me Sunday is withering away the more recaps I read. Sure, I’m contributing to the negativity with these posts. Sometimes things need to be said. I’m just another blogger, bringing my perspective and voice to the already crowded blogging community.

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