Since the members of the original cast of “Saved By the Bell” claim they’re too busy to take part in a 20th anniversary reunion vigorously being lobbied for by Mr. Belding, and since an occasion of this cultural import simply can’t pass without being marked in some meaningful way, perhaps a simulated, “so life-like!” “SBTB” homage could be put together featuring the following thespians:
Zack Morris: Mark-Paul Gosselaar played Bayside High’s incorrigible scamp, the loveable prankster Zack Morris. The pretty boy who can’t go a day without making trouble. Sounds like a job for Ashton Kutcher!
Kelly Kapowski: Kristin Davis is the perfect stand-in for Tiffani-Amber Thiessen’s all-American brunette, Kelly, the school sweetheart. It’s so full circle, because Kelly is really just Charlotte York back in high school anyway.
Mr. Belding: If I needed a stocky balding butt of every joke, I’d call Jason Alexander. (Even though he’ll soon be busy with a reunion of his own, of sorts.) But a far better substitute for the Dennis Haskins role would be another fully grown adult prostituting himself on a show populated by teenagers who probably make more money than he does – Billy Ray Cyrus.
Screech: Dustin Diamond’s the big winner here. A painful case study in what happens to geeky kids who are teased, Diamond can’t get arrested these days. But in this faux reunion extravaganza, his part will be played by none other than rising star Seth Rogen. Not only do they look alike, but I can totally hear Rogen doing Screech’s voice, can’t you?
Slater: Cougar-bait Justin Timberlake can effortlessly slide into Mario Lopez’s role as adolescent smoothie A.C. Slater.
Jessie: Elizabeth Berkley played the humorless feminist Jessie. So, let’s see, we need someone tall, icy and annoying. Ah! Nicole Kidman.
Lisa: Lark Voorhies’s Lisa, a shallow fashion plate, was a precursor to Dionne, Cher’s best friend in “Clueless.” So Stacey Dash it is.
[By the way, how much is it killing me that I didn't think of this first? Dying over here. Well-played, Jezebel. Well-played.]
Read the day’s other lists over at Anna’s:
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
abdpbt 08.03.09 at 1:18 pm
It is eerie how much Mark-Paul Whateverthefuck looks like Ashton Kutcher!
Nancy 08.04.09 at 11:18 am
Good list. I would have never thought of Kristin Stewart. I think Zoe Saldana would be a better Lisa though. It would give her a break from the sci-fi for awhile.
Nancy´s last blog ..I got what I came for.