1. So! Just which Black Friday sale was he heading to at 2:25 a.m.? Was he rushing to get to a Tanger Outlet mall that already opened at midnight or was he going all-American and making his first stop at Walmart?
2. Oh, it looks like it was Zales. Since most of us enjoy a nice piece of jewelry and we’ve all had our steer wander into another cow’s clover patch, this is a question to seriously ponder: Ladies, would you even wear a Kobe Special? A ring purchased when your man was still wearing the fetid reek of opportunistic vagine? Why not just have a T printed to announce it is YOU who is the cheap whore whose acquiescence can bought for the price of two Masters wins and a Dubai Desert Classic?
3. I think I’d rather have this Kobe special, wouldn’t you?
4. I’m no master of public relations, but even I wonder if the best way to declare your innocence is to promptly hire Gloria Freaking Allred?
5. Is it heartless to cast aspersions at a woman who lost her fiance in the Sept. 11 attacks?
6. I mean, is there some sort of code of the sisterhood I’m breaking here? Maybe we should ask Gloria Allred, since the word “feminist” has been surgically attached to her name, as in “feminist lawyer Gloria Allred.” What does that actually mean? How does repping Paula Jones, Amber Frey and Rob Lowe’s nanny – plucky young things who tried to trade up the best way they knew how, in the sack – make one a feminist? I suppose by defending a woman’s right to get involved with dirtbags. Way to answer your own question, Eliz.
7. I take it back. Anyone who’s ever said in an interview “Although I’ve been romantically linked to a famous baseball player, a Broadway star, a musician, and various film and television actors, I will never kiss and tell!” is fair game. Am I right?
8. Is Uchitel’s assertion that she takes “customer service to a whole new level” low-hanging fruit that a blogger of my calibre wouldn’t touch?
9. Her last name looks hard to pronounce. Can we just all agree to call her Urkel?
10. What kind of clients does a Manhattan nightclub hostess have? In Australia?
11. Seriously. Clients?
12. Isn’t the real creep that Swedish golfer Jesper Parnevik for employing both Elin and her twin sister Josefin as nannies?
13. Where did Elin even see a National Enquirer – at the salon? Or does one of the domestic staff subscribe?
14. Does Tiger REALLY think posting “This situation is my fault … I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again” on his Web site after stonewalling the Florida Highway Patrol for the third day will put this whole thing to rest?
15. Who has mismanaged this situation worse – Tiger or Mark Steinberg, his agent at IMG? With Tiger’s squeaky-clean image, Steinberg’s job hasn’t involved much heavy lifting so far. Guess he was caught asleep at the wheel.
16. About that stonewalling. Is this about the rumors of pain killers? Or avoiding a domestic violence charge against Elin?
17. As much as it pains me to see clean-cut Tiger Woods now in the same league as David Letterman, Brad Pitt and Hugh Grant, I feel worse for Elin once the Lorena Bobbit, Tawny Kitaen and Liza Minnelli comparisons start. I guess there’s no real question here.
18. Any chance that the public will love Tiger more for making a mistake? Will this make the perfect robot golfer married to the perfect former Swedish model and their two perfect children seem more human and less, you know, perfect?
19. How did Elin plan on explaining all the smashed windows? Was the SUV on fire? The airbags hadn’t deployed; I don’t even think the hydrant was knocked over. At some point didn’t she have that out of body experience and get a chance to ask herself, “Whoa! What’s happening here?”? Did she just ignore the voice in her head telling her to dial down the crazy?
20. Was Shaq awakened by all the tire squealing and glass shattering?
21. So ……. what was it? Putter or driver?
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
abdpbt 11.30.09 at 10:18 am
This list is awesome. My husband is totally gutted over this whole thing, he loves Tiger and cannot handle the idea that he cheated on his wife. I was like, eh, uh. Hmm.
abdpbt´s last blog ..21 Things To Consider Before You Crash A State Dinner At The White House
eliz 11.30.09 at 10:28 am
I’m sorta crushed, too. I love Le Tigre. He’s the ultimate role model – unrelenting, precise, ruthless. How could he do something so common, so cheap? But then I saw the photos of his alleged squeeze and understood a bit more. She’s trashy in that fake-boobs way, but day-um! I think I’d even have an affair with her.
beth aka confusedhomemaker 11.30.09 at 4:01 pm
It was a little hard for me to believe, even though I KNOW that sometimes nice guys do really shitty things. I guess part of me wants to believe that there is such a thing as the “perfect” family & “perfect” guy, too bad there isn’t. And his wife with the golf club seems poetic. Although I’d have probably pulled a Tanya Harding with it & gotten his knee–then I’d go for the other knee–screw the car windows. After I’d work on forgiveness & the whole repairing the marriage part. OK, I know that’s wrong (I’d go for the knees & the windows, who am I kidding) but I didn’t claim perfection.
beth aka confusedhomemaker´s last blog ..Le Creuset Giveaway: Food Made in Love
Deb on the Rocks 12.01.09 at 10:26 am
Elin has crazy eyes. I think they need to blame it on post-partum depression. That’s a real sympathy call for both of them.
Not that I’m an expert or anything, but I did take this one course in family counseling that had one hour on assessing family portaits and children’s drawings, so I’m going to throw down anyway. That family photo, with the very cute Sam? Symbolically Tiger is checked OUT from his family and loving the attention of the affection-substitute. I would not doubt it if that dog were named Urkel.